im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
