Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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