Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
