I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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