when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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