whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
