Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
