You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
