Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm getting married
To pizza
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
