I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Mom said you looked used
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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