I molested 6 butterflies tonight
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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