Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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