Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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