My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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