He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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