we have pet lesbian snakes
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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