its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
birth control should be required to get into college
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
