I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
