worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
