does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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