Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
