wrigley field is MILF paradise
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
