There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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