i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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