She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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