Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
