my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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