we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
