Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
