I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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