You're completely useless in the revolution.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
