Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
