i don't like sucking hair
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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