nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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