is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
why do cheetos always look like penises
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
