Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
