In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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