thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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