I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just want nice things and good sex
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did you pee in the oven last night??
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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