Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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