I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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