I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
ok first of all what the fuck
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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