I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
