saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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