Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
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could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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