I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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