sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
