Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
