my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
