there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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