i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
