I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
