No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
