Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
