she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
