My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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