Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
