apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
