where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
