What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
