I want to make a zoo with you.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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