I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
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he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
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tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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