alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
