Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
