I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
