Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
