I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
