All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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