Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
