Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
two words: eviction party
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
