I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
