There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
