In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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