just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
