Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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