my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
