thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
