You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
